The only thing exciting about First Lady Michelle Obama these days is well…nothing! That’s right: nil, nada, diddly squat.

What had promised to be a provocative stewardship of the Office of the First Lady is turning into an empty vat. The dullest First Lady evah shines at photo ops more because of her glittery threads than for her golden words, because she says practically nothing, at least nothing memorable.

Give me back the Michelle Obama of yore. Remember her? The purveyor of those challenging words: “One day they’re going to wake up and get it,” uttered to the African-American community during the heated Democratic Party primaries, the Michelle Obama call to Buff-arms. She ticked off many with her stunning pronouncement, but at least she appeared to have an opinion, to stand for something, to be alive.

Now what we get is Michelle circa 1950, nothing but a boring throwback, a Stepford Wife. The hostess with the mostest…the lady of the victory garden…the wife who dresses up for her husband on date night…a scary Laura Bush vacuous clone holding up a book at the: You can’t be an American First Lady, if you don’t read a story to a gathering of inner-city school children.

Granted, being First Lady is an unfair position, and an unpaid for one as well. But First Ladies are elected, despite the Constitution, because Americans surely vote for the couple, not just the individual.

The role of First Lady hasn’t been properly redefined since Jackie Kennedy with her kitten voice and pillbox hats took us all on a televised tour of the White House back in 1962, captivating women with her style, men with her, well, kittenish voice.

After Jackie, there followed many First Ladies, all passionless, sexless, vacuous manikins hiding the truth of their characters because that’s the real role of American First Ladies: do nothing to get in the way of your husband’s agenda, evah!

Sure, occasionally there have been First Lady breakthrough moments, when they actually looked human. Betty Ford comes to mind when she admitted her dependence on drugs and alcohol, which were apparently needed to help her play her vacuous role.

We felt maybe there was more to Nancy Reagan than horoscopes and soothsayers when we learned she had breast cancer and intended to fight it.

Hillary Clinton dared to show intelligence, but as First Lady, besides that debacle called health care, she is best known for standing by her philandering man. And, also, lest we forget, Hillary was known for being the most polarizing First Lady evah, polarizing, of course, just a code word for ‘bitch.’

Rosalyn Carter? Who? Barbara “Fake Pearls” Bush. Hmm.

Apparently, Michelle O has taken lessons from Lady Bird Johnson who, in a fashion, also liked to garden as well she painted America’s highways and bi-ways with the lively colors of cosmos and petunias…nothing dull there.

But now it is 2009. More than half the American workforce is manned by women. Women are doctors, politicians, lawyers, and at the same time, mommies. In some homes, they are the sole breadwinners. In other words, in real life women manage to do mostly all.

Not so Mrs. O who sees herself as either the provocateur or the lady who lunches. Apparently, never, evah should the twain meet.

Which begs the question: Why is it that women as First Ladies are relegated to the inane? Michelle Obama had a high-powered job before her husband became The Leader of the Free World. Why can’t she have a high-powered job as First Lady, even if it’s only in the White House?

I know, I know, there’s nothing new here. Writers, particularly women writers, have been screaming about the silly role of the First Lady for evah. But nothing evah changes and here we are again, in 2009, with another First Lady looking as if she came out of central casting.

Doesn’t America deserve more? Isn’t it high time we changed the First Lady model, if for no other reason than for our little girls? Is the submissive image portrayed by America's First Ladies really the one we want portrayed for the daughters of America?

The role of First Lady is the last bastion of male supremacy over women, the one place where women remain relegated to that old adage a woman belongs barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.

Lady O can change that. Michelle Obama, show us a little more than your buff arms. Or use your well-earned biceps and triceps to knock down all those idiots, including your husband’s handlers, who have smothered your voice more concerned about poll numbers than proper role models for their own daughters.

Take a lesson from one of the few First Ladies to stand for something, Eleanor Roosevelt. Shatter precedence. We don’t need a mistress in the White House, which is the role to which you’ve allowed yourself to be consigned.

Yes, it is past the time for a change. We need to redefine the role of first partner. And that makes me wonder how things could have been O, so much more altering if Bill Clinton had been holding the thankless position. There’s still time, folks. Election 2016 isn’t that far off. Imagine, The First Man -- the biggest change EVAH!

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