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Say
what you want about Bill Clinton but he is one smart BOY, to use his
Arkansas expression.
He was
the third youngest person to become the president of the United States. And
despite his moral lapses, as president he presided over the longest period
of peace-time economic expansion in American history, which included a
balanced budget and a federal surplus. Ah, the good old days.
But the
former president now The Adulator in Chief -- or is that adulterer? -- got
caught with his pants down, and a lifetime record of stellar achievements
were almost lost to his indiscretions. Anyone else they would have been. But
the boy from Hope proved his mettle. He redeemed his character in an amazing
four years in possibly the best campaign of his career. You could almost say
the guy has never failed at anything he’s taken on in his life.
Until
now . . .
Now the
former Commander in Chief has been cast in the role of Adulator in Chief to
his dear wife candidate Hillary Clinton. But poor Bill, well, adultery is
clearly more his style. Not that I blame him, well, what I mean is, surely there’s a lot more the former president would rather be doing
than standing on a stage where his job is to gaze up at his candidate wife
adoringly, wearing the ultimate fawning expression for the benefit of all
the prospective voters in the land.
Ugh . .
.
Of
course, we’ve been watching the wives of candidates do this for time
immemorial. You know what I’m speaking about: the wives stand next to their
husbands with their vacuous Stepford Wife expressions planted on their
manikin plastic faces, wearing ridiculous Betty Crocker kitchen outfits and
hairdo’s that went out with Dippity Do, gazing admiringly at the husbands
they probably despise for making them do this in the first place. But they
do it just the same, holding on to the hope that in the end, for all their
asinine adulation, they might go down in the history books as “Former First
Lady.” It’s difficult being the wife of a presidential candidate.
And now
it’s hard to be the husband of a candidate as well . . .
As the
first man in this job, Mr. Clinton, has broken the glass ceiling, or is it
slipper, as The Adulator in Chief. True, he’s charting new territory, but
if I were to assess his job performance thus far, well, honestly, if it were
anybody else, he would have been fired already. He has failed at the fawning job,
miserably. Day in and night out Mr. Clinton has put that glass-laden foot in
his mouth. And I must say that without the Maybelline mascara, his doe-eyed
glance just doesn’t cut it.
So, my
advice for the Hillary campaign is get this guy a tutor, please! Monica,
maybe? She has fawning experience and I heard she’s out of a job.
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