I’m in love. No kidding. I
am deeply and heartfully and emphatically ga-ga over – get this – a
Republican. And who is the big elephant who stole my heart, seduced my mind,
sends shivers up my spine (not a thrill going up my leg) you ask?
He’s that voice of reason in that lunatic bin of a
network’s coterie of cast-off’s, MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough.
My passion for my Joey didn’t begin as a love affair. I must
admit that what happened between us was one of those slow, evolutionary
styles of love. There was no initial pitter-pat of the heart, no wistful
reverie over possibilities. Joe talked, I sort of listened, and after
all, I didn’t like his friends.
I was particularly unenamored with Joe’s (can I call you
Joe, my heart be still, my little pookie, my personal good ol’
Republican boy-toy?) side-kick-ass pain in the butt, Mika Brzezinski,
who, by the way, is starting to look more and more like a seamstress.
You know, the kind who sits in the back of a dry-cleaning store wearing
some 1940’s-styled sleeveless number completely overdressed for the
occasion, not to mention the worn mules that adorn her aching feet,
which shouldn’t ache because all she does all day is sit behind the
wheel of a sewing machine…but I digress. And will for just another
moment while I make comment on Ms. Brzenzinski’s hairdo that could use a
little of Frederick Fekkai’s magic.
Then, of course, there’s the younger Willie Geist who
just sort of creeps me out. His drone of a voice is only half his
problem; the other half is his half-wit. What is he doing sharing the
stage with my darling Joe? There are a million faces in the Naked City
and MSNBC had to pick Geist’s?
Occasionally, and thank goodness only occasionally,
Tweety Bird Chris Matthews shows up to share a cup of Java with my Joe.
That’s when I turn down the sound on my TV. Who wants to listen to that
loud-mouth fool at seven o’clock in the morning? While Tweety spews his
venom at his favorite subject, Ms. Hillary, I sip my own cup of black
gold and let my imagination run oh, so wild with dreams of my dear,
adorable Joe.
As soon as Tweety Bird flies off the set – now I’m
thinking more Dodo Bird than Tweety Bird – I relax and wait for another
moment of brilliance from Joe. I have to wait a while longer.
Chubby
Cheeks himself, Little Timothy John Russert Jr., has just made his way
onto the stage and because it’s clear he can’t help himself he starts
bleating like a Billy goat about some nonsense or another.
I have never seen a
commentator more enamored with himself.
Chubby Cheeks speaks, he smiles
at what he considers his own brilliance, and looks to those around him
for acknowledgement. Everyone bows to Little Timmy. He is, after all,
the Chief of the Washington Bureau for NBC News and moderator of the
once important but no more under his tutelage Meet the Press.
Joe’s got other friends I don’t like who I wish he’d get
out of his life. Andrea Bitchell Mitchell, Mike Barnacle Bill the Sailor
who often sounds like an irrelevant drunken sailor, Chuck E. Sleazy
Todd, Eugene Robinson, and David Shuster, the last two fitting that old
adage if you have nothing nice to say about someone say nothing at
all...nothing at all!
Which leaves only one more of Joe’s friends worth talking
about and that is Pat Buchannan, the only other voice of reason to share
the stage with my honey Joe. Pat Buchannan is the only one of the bunch
besides Joe to get it. But, oh, my gosh, Pat, like my Joe, is a
Republican!
Is there a pattern here? Good grief, lately I’ve even
found myself watching Fox News! I’m a left-leaning Independent who
might have been a full-fledged Democrat if the Democratic Party hadn’t
stolen the election from Hillary.
Whatever; I hate George Bush – yes,
hate George Bush. And when I think Republican and I think Karl Rove who
I see is Adolph Hitler. I think Dick Cheney and I envision Nikita
Khrushchev. I look at Newt Gingrich and I see the Grinch Who Stole
Christmas.
And yet now, all of a sudden I’m in love, I’m in love, I’m in
love with a wonderful Republican. And I adore, yes ADORE another
Republican, Pat Buchanan.
By the way, I’m a woman, I’m over fifty, I’m single and
I’m white, and I’m one of the reasons the Democrat Party and Barack
Obama have a real problem come the fall.
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