HALLI CASSER-JAYNE - bio
RED, WHITE 'N TRUE™
POLITICAL PORN or
WHY I LOVE PARIS
Posted, August 6, 2008,  12:01 p.m. est

    

The way things are going in this presidential campaign, this country could do a lot worse than having Paris Hilton as its next president. That’s right, Paris Hilton.

Laugh all you want but Ms. Hilton, the latest celeb to be injected into the presidential race…lest we forget Ms. Oprah Winfrey…may be the Botox of many a joke, but in the meantime Ms. I Love Paris in the Springtime Cause She Sizzles has managed to build herself quite a career, not to mention a Gucci-sized bank account.

The society girl turned Celeb Inc. has reportedly earned a cool 16 million between 2003 and 2007 and none of that came from her families’ fortune.

So while those who are immune to the world of celebrity laugh at Ms. Paris, Ms. Paris is having a laugh at you. Who says blonde and smart don’t belong in the same sentence?

Last week, as the presidential campaign sunk to new lows despite both candidate’s promises that they are something different and that their campaigns' would be something different, John McCain’s campaign had a rare moment of brilliance. And as a result finally scratched the Teflon candidate by poking fun at Barack Obama’s celebrity.

With images of celebrities du jour Britney Spears and Paris Hilton dressing up the video, the voiceover asks: “He’s (Barack Obama as if I have to remind anyone) the biggest celebrity in the world, but is he ready to lead?”

You would think the world as Barack knows it had come to an end! The handwringing coming out of his campaign was palpable. And while the back and forth between the two candidates escalated into cries of racism one thing occurred that the punditocracy missed: we learned that Mr. Obama has a short-fuse. He can dish it out, but he can’t take it in.

But back to celebrity land, no, not Washington, D.C., but the other one called Hollywood. While the missiles between the two candidates were flying in Washington, D.C. our Ms. Hilton was reaching into her own arsenal of tricks. The smoke coming out of L.A. wasn’t smog, it was thoughtfulness.

Ms. Hilton was figuring out how to teach those two boys from back East how to solve America’s energy problems, something the two gentleman from Washington, D.C. had been arguing about to no conclusion. As they dueled like to seventeenth century erstwhile tourneys, they were beginning to sound as absurd as the clownish Two Gentleman from Verona.

Meanwhile, taking lemons and turning them into lemonade, I Love Paris When it Sizzles responded to Senator McCain’s video in what can only be considered a brilliant PR move when she released one of her own:

The Scene: Poolside at a Beverly Hills Mansion.

The Camera Zooms In: Beautiful YOUNG girl clad in skimpy leopard dotted bathing suit.

The Dialogue…

"But then that wrinkly white-haired guy used me in his campaign ad, which I guess means I'm running for president.

"So thanks for the endorsement white-haired dude, and I want America to know I'm, like, totally ready to lead."

The Camera Zooms in Still Closer: I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille, she seems to say. And then, Miss I Love Paris when it Sizzles delivers her brilliantly thought out White Paper for all the world to hear.

I will combine elements from McCain and Obama's policies.

"We can do limited offshore drilling with strict environmental oversight while creating tax incentives to get Detroit making hybrid and electric cars. 

"Energy crisis solved, I'll see you at the debates, bitches!"

Voilá! The solution that I Love Paris in the Springtime delivers to sizzle America out of its current energy woes. Out of the mouth of a babe: COMPROMISE!

That little thing Congress can’t reach thanks to I Wish She’d Go Back to San Francisco, Nancy Pelosi.

 So, I nominate Paris Hilton for President. Why not? She’s credentialed. Like Tush she’s battled her way out of drug and alcohol abuse. She’s as unseasoned as Barack Obama. And if she keeps sitting in the sun like she does she’s going to  soon have that wrinkly skin of that guy she calls the “white-haired dude,” John McCain.

As I said, America could do worse with Paris Hilton as president. Imagine a Pink White House. And besides, American’s keep telling the pollsters they’re looking for a real change and something to believe in.

Here’s Ms. I Love Paris' campaign slogan: Paris Hilton for President, The Babe You Can Believe In!