Jingle
Bells … I’m in the holiday spirit and in the spirit of holiday charity I
have decided to offer Hillary Clinton some sage-green mistletoe advice. I
say “charity” because the advice I’m about to give Senator Clinton is free
and unsolicited.
Like chestnuts, Mrs. Clinton has been roasted over the open fire. Really,
it’s been very painful to watch while the press rolled her around with the
enthusiasm and glee a child packs a snowball for a backyard fight.
Day in and through the O Holy Night the democratic candidate has been
dragged like a one-horse open sleigh through an ice storm of vitriolic
accusations – most of them personal and unfair. I will even go so far as
to say what Hee Haw Huckabee might say: the treatment of Mrs. Clinton has
been in a word-and-a half, un-Christian.
It’s one thing to
attack Mrs. Clinton’s health care plan or her silly vote on
Iraq, but when
she’s repeatedly attacked because she’s perceived as cold or unlikable
it’s quite another. Recently, Matt Drudge-sludge ran an unflattering image
of Mrs. Clinton on his Drudge Report website with the caption: “The Toll
of the Campaign.”
That un-jolly
sometimes-Burl Ives look-alike, not the prettiest face on the block
himself, Rush Limp-baugh Limbaugh, had the audacity to ask his audience,
“Will this country want to actually watch a woman get older before their
eyes on a daily basis?”
They attack Mrs. Clinton’s personality and they attack her with subtle
gender slurs and mum’s the word from the chattering class. And by the way,
not a word by women, either, who have become desensitized to gender bias.
I wonder had someone posted a bad photo of Barack Obama with the
caption: The Toll of the Campaign: Nappy Hair below the image, if the
press would be quite so Silent-night.
Of course, this is
more then just about Hillary Clinton. It’s about the disintegration of the
practice of politics in the United States and the way campaigns are
covered by the press. Running for the office of President has become a
popularity contest, and clearly, covering a campaign by journalists a boring-Matt-DRUDGE..
It has nothing to do with who is the best person for the job. No, today
our candidates are asked not to spell out their plans for the future of
America, but rather to audition for the role of president – as if they
were trying out for a Broadway play … maybe a part in Elmer Gantry,
Mr. Huckabee?
You would think
America
had learned its lesson: that cute and charming, Christian and
un-Christmas-SEASONED will get you into an un-necessary war in
Iraq.
Hear ye, ye Bells of Saint Mary: EXPERIENCE counts; it’s the fifth GOLDEN
ring!
OK, back to Hillary
because t’is the season to be pitied. I will speak to her directly. Mrs.
Clinton, I know you’ve been working tirelessly at softening your image
these last few days, but, you have only two weeks until the Iowa
Carcasses, and that’s not a lot of time to Babes in TOY-land with your
image. So, here’s the quick fix:
You need to give a
holiday party (I’m being politically correct) and invite the press. In the
background you’ll play the best of Christmas music because it is
The Most
Wonderful Time of the Year. Your Mom, will be there, and Chelsea, too,
and, of course, Bill. He’ll be wearing a Santa suit, after all, with a
beard, he’s starting to bear a striking resemblance to Saint Nick. (I
know, I’m SO, naughty and NOT nice.)
Everyone will be
singing Christmas carols, when Chelsea will introduce a new song:
I Saw
Mommy Kissing Santa Claus ... and Ho! Ho! Ho!, here it comes. You
RUSH Limp-baugh over to Bill, pull off his Santa Claus beard, throw your
arms around him and plant one gigantic smooch on his lively lips,
lingering for as long as you can stand it. And then, you unwrap yourself
and gently take him by the hand. And with a twinkle in your eye you lead
your husband away…
“And I heard him
exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight, ‘Happy Christmas to all and to all a
good night!’”
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